telling

Telling someone your Mum has died is like being interviewed for the worst job ever...

How old was she?

Was it sudden?

She must have had you when she was older?

If I answer this barrage of meaningless questions, then I feel spent, vulnerable, cross. All someone needs to say is 'I'm sorry to hear that. How are you doing?'. Then I'd feel seen, heard and my heart would soften. 

I'm keeping myself away from people. I have nil energy for flakiness, clumsiness.

strangers

When our cousin Krysia died in 2009, my sister and I were trusted with the task of clearing out her home in Elgin. There were photographs in the loft, so I took it upon myself to sort, order and place them in albums. The photos documented Krysia's life and also that of her parents, Jessie (née Logan) and Andrew (Alfons) Dabrowski.

These photographs are Jessie's, my fathers sister, born 1913 near Elgin, Scotland. Jessie trained as a nurse and while nursing during WWII met her husband to be, Alfons, a badly wounded Polish soldier. Apparently, it was love at first sight.  

The stacks of photographs were sorted into two piles, one familiar people and places and another for strangers. Below are the only images I kept of strangers, something in their expressions, fashion, informal and formal poses fascinated me and I keep them in a large decorative glass that belonged to Jessie. Some have the handwriting of the sitter on the back, to Jessie or Jerry as she was known.

What became of these friends of my aunt, did they know her little brother, Robert? My Grandmother Alexina? Here they are now, gathered together and presented to you, an insight into Scotland in the 30s and 40s, their link - Jessie Dabrowska. 

mum

My mum, Doreen Logan, died on the 2nd May. Her funeral, on the 18th May was a month ago today. Now I am paused, at times with no words to describe how I feel.

As a little girl I stitched this lavender bag for her using fabric scraps and ribbon. It still retained a trace of scent almost 40 years after its making. It was one of the items placed in her coffin.