Realising that I'd been working too hard in 2014 I gave 2015 the word FUN, and lived with that in mind during the year. In 2016 my word was SHARE, as I'd recognised a trait of self sabotage in negative self talk, gaging myself in expressing thoughts and ideas. So, in 2016, whenever I had an idea, wrote something, had a response to someone, positive or challenging, I shared it! Praising and naming qualities admired in others, calling others out if their behaviours were destructive in any way. Professionally, the result is 30 posts on this blog, 30 news updates on my website, a successful application for a residency, exhibiting in four exhibitions and developing a new body of work.
Emotionally, in telling my truth I've not allowed assumptions to be made. It was uncomfortable at times and in this discomfort was a new experience, of pushing against a boundary, of misbehaving and not being the good girl. Some friends have drawn closer, others become distant.
December was a relief, as I'd begun to tire of speaking my truth and will relish not telling. Not telling will feel different, it will be my choice if I allow assumptions to be made or allow the emotional intimacy of sharing my inner life, this is me - who are you?
