Friday 31 May 2019

settled/busy

Within days of moving to Derbyshire people began to well meaningly ask if I'd settled yet. This question comes up repeatedly and I'm always struck by its oddness. My answer is no, not yet and I experience an urge to explain myself to the questioner, to make the 'no' better somehow... 

I'm living in temporary rental accommodation with most of my belongings in storage, so nine months after moving I've yet to unpack. I'll be moving again in June and again a year and a half after that - into my own home at that point all going to plan. I've yet to find regular work in the region and consequently am not feeling greatly connected to where I live. Finding my feet with no idea what the future holds.

In all of this unsettledness, I'm positive about my move and feel at home in Derbyshire. I know that everything will work out and am giving myself two years before I ask the settled question. That feels realistic.

So world, please resist asking if I'm settled. Feel free to ask 'how's it going?'

Something else I'm noticing is being congratulated on being busy. Busy is at epidemic proportions, is busy a good hiding place? An excuse? A trophy? 

The major drive of moving from London to Derbyshire is the opportunity to invent a world where I plant a garden with edible and medicinal plants and learn how to prepare them. A world where I home a rescue dog and take long rambling walks... I've knitted a blanket for my dog, and keep it as a talisman to give substance to this particular dream. This move is also about developing my art practice, with time to reflect and wonder, space for insight and uncertainty, to allow things to unfold in their own good time. Busy can take a hike!